‘They Phone Me Personally Dirty Lola’. Edited by DAVID ROSE

This advertisement is almost certainly not the greatest heart that is lonely the planet, nor its author the best-smelling. That is all i need to state. Guy, 37. Box no. 7654.

My little finger in the pulse of tradition, my ear to your ground of philosophy, my hip when you look at the waste that is medical of Glasgow Royal Infirmary. 14% synthetic and counting – geriatric brainiac and compulsive NHS malingering trick (M, 81), trying to find richer, older sex-starved girl regarding the brink of death to exploit and destroy every replacement procedure I had. Box no. 7648 (quickly, the clock’s ticking, so is this pacemaker).

7 million is perfect for me personally. Many times though we plateau at around 3 million. Any improvements? guy with low sperm fertility (35 – which is my age) seeks girl in no rush to start to see the zygotes divide. Box no. 8385.

Dinner’s on me personally. Gap-toothed F, 32. WLTM guy to 35 with permanent method of getting damp people. Box no. 7364.

Keep in mind whenever all this work ended up being available industries, and also you could head out and then leave your home unlocked? Girl, 24. Inherited her amor linea mother’s unreasonable and utterly unfounded nostalgia ( and her daddy’s hirsute right right straight right straight back). WLTM barber with fondness for Sherbet Dib-Dabs and Parma Violets. Box no. 8486.

Practically complete male, 63, seeks girl with spares and shed. Box no. 7923.

Sinister-looking guy with a real face that just a mom want: think about an aging Portillo with a beard along with my better-looking twin. Sweetie in mind, however. Sweet discussion, perfect for dimly-lit intimate dishes. Better in those Welsh villages in which the electricity supply cannot be guaranteed in full. Charitable females to 50 valued. Box no. 0364.

Bald, quick, fat and ugly male, 53, seeks short-sighted girl with tremendous appetite that is sexual. Box no. 9612.

You might think i love dressing in this manner? Lanolin-sensitive Cumbrian chick: outside all calico, inside pure wool. WLTM guy to 40 that knows when you should turn the lights down and also the heat up. First-aid abilities an added bonus. Box no. 3280.

I am simply a woman whom can not state ‘no’ (or ‘anaesthetist’). Lisping Rodgers and Hammerstein fan, feminine lecturer in politics (37) WLTM man to 40 for thome enthanted eveningth. Box no. 2498.

My other automobile is really a bicycle. Eco-friendly bio-diverse M (29). Smells a little like soil and consumes way too much soup, but otherwise friendly (you’re maybe maybe maybe perhaps not really likely to place that burger in the mouth area, have you been?). Box no. 8563.

Love is strange – wait ’til the thing is that my foot. F, 34, wide-fitting Scholl’s. Box no. 5973.

You are a brunette, 6′, long feet, 25-30, smart, articulate and drop-dead gorgeous. We, on the other side hand, have always been 4’10”, have actually the appearance of HervГ€ Villechaize and carry an odour of wheat. No returns with no refunds at package no. 3321.

This individual line happens to be poorer I am again – hairy-backed Wiltshire troll with definite Stig of the Dump influences (M, 56, jam-jar windows, a fridge made of bike parts, and a sensitive grunt during only the most intimate moments), still searching for that special lady with no sense of touch or smell, and a capacity for overwhelming compromise in certain lifestyle choices without me, so here. Box no. 3732.

Tonight, feminine LRB visitors to 90, i will be the hunter and you’re my quarry. 117-year-old male Norfolk Viagra bootlegger finally when you look at the mood for a little bit of young totty. Which realistically could possibly be any certainly one of you with working hip bones and the very least 20% lung capability. Hopeful right through the Complan and Horlicks primary program at package no. 3112.

You had been reading the BBC in-house mag on the Jubilee Line (12 November), I happened to be coughing hot tea through my nostrils. Undoubtedly you cannot have forgotten? Write now to smitten, weak-kneed, severely burned, bumbling F (32, but typically we look more youthful). I’m going to be a serious catch when my lip that is top has. And also this brace is not permanently. Box no. 7432.